Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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