how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
