just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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