A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
