drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
