It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
