this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
