just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
