So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
