im about as happy as oj after his trial
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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