holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
