Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
