Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I could make wine with my vomit
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
