I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
