Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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