She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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