his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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