I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
