It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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