I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
