She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
