Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
