Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
