I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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