look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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