I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
