I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
