no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
