it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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