he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
