Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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