oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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