Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
