I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
