She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
