ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
