I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
