we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
