All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
