I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
