Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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