Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
