you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
