So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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