My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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