Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
