she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
