Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
