I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
