i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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