well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
